Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Split in Personality

I asked one of my closest friends the other day whether they ever felt as if they had two people, or at least two conflicting parts of their being and personality, within them. And then further, if they ever felt as if it would be nice or better to be two separate people at times.

Their response was one of agreement, although less so (or in a different way) than how I feel.

Sometimes I get the feeling, or even a strong urge, to be two very different people. Parts of that stem from the fluidity of my gender and sexuality, while other times it feels as though it comes from a more interest-based or living without restraint sort of place.

Wouldn't it be nice if you had a person that you could be, and be exactly who you want all the time, and not worry about what others think, or if they care, or if you look good, or if you are making a good impression? Sometimes I think so. Have a person that is care-free and another one that is more restrained, or simply in a different way, and would fit in a different crowd.

I think this is mostly because sometimes I feel trapped. In my body, in my life, in my relationships, in this society. Trapped and forced to do certain things, behaviour certain ways, be this kind of person.

I wish I could be two different people. People of my choosing.



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