Sunday, December 20, 2009

Life in the Complexity

Life is often a search for clarity. For understanding and truth.

This is true for many, many people. Religion, beliefs, philosophy, even science, all were created and are practiced in a search for clarity. Humans strive for it. Very few are content with the simplicities that we all possess. We want to know more, to understand more, to find the clarity.

I myself am very much a part of this. My whole life has been in search of clarity. I am constantly looking for understanding and growth. I am not trying to say this is a bad thing, in fact, I think it is a positive thing. I am just relaying how it is in my world.

While, at this point in my life, I feel more grounded, more sure, more clear on who I am in in certain aspects, the more I grow and the more questions I answer about myself, the more new questions pop up.

Recently, I have taken this too hard and have been consumed with thoughts like "maybe there is no answer," "maybe I can't find myself," "maybe there isn't anything to find," and "why do I even try?" Complexity was always the enemy, and clarity the goal.

I have stopped these thoughts. Complexity is as much a part of my life as the clarity. Finding who I am is as much a search for my complexities as it is for my truths. I will always keep trying to find myself, keep trying to understand things and grow. But I will not ignore and challenge the complexities to do this. I will bask in them, and let them help me find what I want.


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